Transport

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	Transport. Dublin transport for some reason (probably financial gain for the Irish government) has no combined bus/rail/tram, daily, weekly, monthly or yearly tickets.
	Busses: Generally unreliable. If you expect a big smile and cheery word from your bus driver then prepare to be very disappointed. Busses and most transport in Ireland is owned and run by the state, and as yet have not allowed any competition from other bus, tram or railway companies. Because of this the staff does not have to be pleasant and polite to get you to use their service, because there is no alternative, and in most cases are not. Most though will give you directions to your destination and if they remember, will give you a shout for the stop that you need to get off at. Driver offences include not stopping for you if you are a short distance from the bus stop or if the bus is nearly full. Very annoying! . Busses do not stick to their timetables to a ridiculous degree, so do not rely on them do get you to your destination on time. Also, the top floor on the double decker busses are to be avoided especially after 14.00 hrs as they tend to be temporary hangouts for violent and racist ‘skangers’. There is no security staff on busses to eject undesirables and protect the public
	Trams (luas): Due to the constant plague of fucking eegits (idiots) that infest Irelands’ government, trams were seen to be outdated and without a future in Ireland. This of course was one of the many stupid decisions that saw a reliable and comfortable mode of transport meet it’s demise. . Trams and the tram rails have now been reintroduced on the streets of Dublin at a great and unnecessary cost to the taxpayer. The tram system is very limited at the moment with only two routes. . This mode of transport is frequent trustworthy and usually on time. Recommended! . Security staff have recently been introduced to the luas trams for your security and inner happyness in light of recent 'Recreational activity' by undesireables.... .
	Dart (electric trains): fairly reliable and on time. State run, as all public transport is in Dublin (see mention of this in busses section in relation to staff demeanour and lack of politeness). Limited in the range and scope of destinations available owing to the shortsighted view and lack of brainpower of the Irish governments. . A new security division has been added to darts recently, which means your dart experience will always be kept safe by arnold Securineggar and the Delta team....'no laughing, grinning, or feet on the seats!' .
	Taxis: If you have money to burn and a high tolerance level for taking the long way to your destination, you may want to subject yourself to one of these. It will help a lot if you know the exact route and are not shy about dictating loudly to the ‘chancer’ in the driving seat. Even if this is done with a high degree of expertise, still expect a shock at the end of your journey at the expense of the fare. .Only to be experienced in an extreme hurry, last resort, or if some other sucker is paying.
	Roads: The roads in Ireland are extremely bad and dangerous. This can not be stressed enough. Lack of money from the government for signs and road maintenance make driving a very unpleasant and life threatening endeavour even to the natives, do so at your peril. Large holes that remain for long periods of time are frequent. Disgraceful! .
	Driving: (see roads section above). On top of very bad roads, prepare yourself for the worst drivers you’ve ever seen and crashed into in all your life. Dangerous overtaking, lethal lane changing, tailgating, speeding and lack of indicating are only some of the blatant stupidity that is rampant on all of Irish roads. Be extremely careful, or better still, don’t drive at all….
	Renting motorcycles: There is no motorcycle rental in Ireland because of the moronic high rate of driving insurance that insurance companies are allowed to charge. Hopefully the Irish government will someday correct this situation, but don’t hold your breath…Stoopid!!!

	Cycling: (see roads and driving section). If the above section hasn’t already scared the shit out of you yet, and you have some sort of weird suicidal wish, good luck! Unlike Amsterdam where the cyclist rules supreme and all other modes of transport, including walkers, must stop and give way to the bicycle, the cyclist is treated as the Ping-Pong ball of the road, with the bigger vehicles of course being the bats. .Wear very bright colours in the day, reflective clothing at night, and invest in some rear view mirrors, and frequently look back over you shoulder before turning corners and changing your position on the road, right or left. Don’t drive like an arse! .
	Walking: (see sections for roads, driving and cycling) as if arseholes behind the wheel wasn’t enough, skangers, drunkards, and drunk skangers are a hazard especially if your skin colour is a bit darker than white. Tourists and residents from other countries should be aware that the majority of Irish people are racist and cannot even tolerate other Irish people that dress in clothes that are slightly different to the current tacky fashions. . Walkers beware! Keep your eyes and ears open at all times, and avoid eye contact with undesirables. Cross the road or turn and walk away from troublemakers and run if you have to, or be a dead victim. You will be outnumbered. These people are cowards that do not start trouble without lots of back up. . Get to a safe distance and a safe area and call the gardai (Irish police) if you are attacked, on the phone at 999. .

Transport.